What you cannot see

A little over ten years ago I started to experience vision problems. I didn’t think much of it, as both my contact lenses and my glasses were long overdue for renewal. I thought I just needed to replace them with a new prescription. Apart from the blurry vision in general I saw a lot of spots, but I thought those were due to dirty lenses and/or dirty glasses. And when I checked them they were dirty, so nothing to alarm me. I had a significant problem with light coming from a particular angle on the left hand side, I could hardly see a thing. However, when the light was (re)moved, my sight improved, so obviously the problem was with the light and not with the eyes, right?

Even now I don’t feel I was continuously reasoning away problems I knew were there. I genuinely did not know there was an actual problem with my eyes. I moved house, the light in my new living room came from the right hand side, but my eye problems remained. At around the same time I got both new contact lenses and new glasses and yet the eye problems remained. After that it did not take me long to go see my GP about my eyes. Like I said, I never wanted to avoid a problem, I just didn’t know there was an eye problem.

After seeing the GP things sped up, for even he could see (without any fancy equipment) that at least one of my retinas was detached. I got an emergency referral for a specialist and the rollercoaster ride commenced. Even with all the fancy equipment it took the specialists at the Eye Hospital considerable time to get me a diagnosis beyond the preliminary one (i.e. detached retina). The eventual verdict – and I’ll give you the simplified version – was that my eyes are dying off. There is nothing that can be done about that other than monitoring the decay and on top of that the specialists have concluded that there’s something else wrong with my eyes on top of ‘just’ this, although they still haven’t determined what exactly.

Long story short: my vision is deteriorating. Fast. I have not been able to read with my left eye for years and my right eye isn’t to write home about either. I have significant blind spots in my field of view and just for the ‘fun’ of it my brain will attach the parts that I do see, as if nothing is missing. I have banged into something that was simply missing from my field of view numerous times. The quality of my vision is unpredictable as I will see better one day than the next. Without warning the eyes will decide they’ve had enough and stop functioning for various periods of time. Never a warning and never clarity about how long such an episode will last this time around. And the ‘best’ part of it all (not!) is that of course the dying off of my eyes is a far from pain free process.

2 thoughts on “What you cannot see

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