I have been sleeping extremely poorly, but last night I only woke up once. However, even this relatively moderate sleep disruption led me to having to mute my alarm clock three times before I managed to will myself out of my semi comatose state. I get like that when I don’t get enough sleep and my sleep is disrupted late in the night.
However, sleeping in is not an option. Believe me, I have tried. It completely messes with my metabolism, making me only feel worse, so it’s a big no no. Getting up I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I was experiencing a lot of pain all over my body, though my back seemed most affected. I decided to still go ahead to run some errands, which included a walk of well over 5K. Experience has taught me that this would not make me feel worse and sometimes the fresh air will actually improve matters.
Things were better for a while. Upon returning home I had taken painkillers for my back (which by now was killing me). I had also changed into shorts, but some time later I got really cold. Of course it was ‘only’ 26°C. Regulating body temperature is a big problem for me, both cold and heat. Back into socks and trousers it was. I could even have done with a vest. At 26°C!
Later in the afternoon I got a really bad headache. I get them from lack of sleep as well as from sensory overload. More painkillers. Then my eyes started acting up, the ‘perks’ of having a blinding eye disease. Working on the computer became virtually impossible, so I moved to my comfy chair. I tried to read a bit, but unfortunately my body then decided to ache all over so badly that I could no longer sit up straight. Fighting that pain takes a lot of energy, making staying awake quite impossible. I had no other option than to go lie on my bed for some time. I hate doing that during the day, as it usually does more bad than good. In between all this my Irritable Bowel Syndrome (most people with autism suffer from bowel problems) had been acting up and definitely the lactose intolerance as well. Aching insides didn’t help things.
Many autistic people do not get a signal from their body when they’re hungry or thirsty. My body only gives out those signals once in a while, so I have to live by the clock. I manage to do so with my meals quite nicely, but I regularly mess up my fluid intake. So I had to get up again, to cook dinner. No, I wasn’t feeling hungry, but I rarely do. Listening to one’s body might be something a person without autism is able to do, but I certainly am not. If my body speaks at all (and I doubt it does), it does so in a language my head does not understand.
Now, mid evening, I’m sitting here wondering what else my body has planned for today. My willpower and stubbornness dragged me back to the computer. If it wasn’t for them I’d never get anything done.